When I think of My Bride

Posted on May 2, 2012 at 10:26 pm, by Ben

When I Think of My Bride by BenBotkin

This is a picture of my precious companion, wife, and best friend, Audri, taken at dusk whilst on board the Branson Belle steamer at Vision Forum’s Titanic 100 event last month. She is the greatest earthly gift I possess.

Over the course of the event we heard stories of brave men who stayed aboard the sinking ship so that their wives and children could live on, and tales of wives and children who would never see their brave husbands and daddies again this side of eternity.

When I hear stories like this I can tend to fret because in my mind’s eye I can see the inevitability of separation from my wife in stark vividness. I can see myself on that ship, embracing my dear Audri for the last time, telling her I love her for the last time, and whispering a verse of encouragement in her ear for the very last time as she, giving her final loving glance at her husband, steps into the lifeboat and disappears over the side.

Now by God’s good grace, I was not aboard the Titanic on the night of April 14, 1912, but that does not negate the fact that there will be a day where one of us will go home to be with the Lord and the other will have to wait here alone: a day will come when Audri and I will be separated by death. A man I greatly respect, R.C. Sproul Jr., had to face this painful reality last year, but he praised the Lord for His blessings and instructed, by Godly example, thousands of husbands to realize that this time will come for them as well.

But it is not here yet.

I’m sure many of us think of the verse “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away” only in situations when we’ve lost something, but it’s important to remember that the first part of that verse is as true as the latter! The Lord giveth! Blessed be the name of the Lord! Now is the time where I have my wife in my house, in my arms, at my side, and that is PRECIOUS. Husbands, look at your wives long and hard and be grateful for this day that you have with her – it may be your last.


I wrote this piece of music with the intention of conveying a series of emotions, from gratitude at the tenderness of our union, to the fear of separation, and finally to the blessed assurance and comfort of knowing that we’re held in the Lord’s loving hand. I pray this piece will be a timely reminder and source of encouragement to many.


  • Beautiful. I cried. I read your explanation before playing the music. Thank you.

    Posted by Barbara Andersen on May 3rd, 2012 at 2:09 am
  • Hello Ben, I am a Music and Youth Pastor in Alabama. I lost my wife of 30 years to cancer 7 months ago, our anniversary was yesterday. I think God led me to tho site, the blog and the song touched me deeply.

    God bless you for writing it, and for sharing it. May I advise that you love Audri with everything you have, and with all that you are. Leave nothing unsaid, so that there will be no regret. I am so thankful that we had that blessing. With loved the Lord together as we loved on each other and our children.

    God bless you and Audri in your life and ministry together!

    In Christ
    Dave Newcomer

    Posted by David Newcomer on May 3rd, 2012 at 10:49 am
  • Lovely. Just lovely.

    Posted by Rachelle Rea on May 3rd, 2012 at 12:21 pm
  • Made the mistake of playing the piece while I read the post…made me cry! Both beautiful.

    Posted by Hannah Mendenhall on May 3rd, 2012 at 8:38 pm
  • *weeps uncontrollably*

    Great piece, Benjamin. Simply lovely. Great thoughts, too.

    Posted by Gabriel Hudelson on May 4th, 2012 at 10:12 am
  • Ben, what a lovely tribute to a lovely young woman who means a great deal to both of us. Thank you for the reminder of the precious gifts that God gives us in this earthly life. May God continue to bless you all richly.

    Posted by James Vernier on May 4th, 2012 at 12:25 pm
  • Oh yeah, and the use of the word “whilst” is the best!

    Posted by James Vernier on May 4th, 2012 at 12:29 pm
  • *restrains from weeping*

    That was very beautiful, and touching. May the LORD heap blessings upon you both!

    Posted by M. Renata H. on May 4th, 2012 at 5:27 pm
  • What talent the Lord has chosen to give you: I am thankful that, although not blessed with your talent, He has given me the gift of hearing, so I may enjoy your gift; and the gift of emotions, so I may cry through it – mostly with thankfulness for the spouse He has given me.
    My husband and best friend of 21 years is, praise God, still with me. I pray I would cherish him each and every day God chooses to allow us together.

    Posted by Homeschool on the Croft on May 7th, 2012 at 11:48 am
  • Oh, and may I just add that your wife is simply beautiful 🙂

    Posted by Homeschool on the Croft on May 7th, 2012 at 11:48 am
  • Excellent.

    You have conveyed your emotions to the listeners’ ears and into their hearts.

    The horns are clear and very well placed. (Forgive me if that is the wrong terminology. I am better with words than music theory.) 🙂

    Continue with skills that have been given to you.

    Posted by John-Mark on May 12th, 2012 at 4:46 pm
  • This was heartbreakingly beautiful, Ben. Thank you so much for sharing. Audri is a beautiful woman, and deserves all the love that went into this. 🙂

    Posted by Grace on May 15th, 2012 at 6:49 pm
  • Wonderful music and post, Ben! Loved your piano writing!

    Posted by Jordan Strang on May 23rd, 2012 at 11:27 pm
  • The song was breathtaking, your words even more so! It is such a blessing to see such godly devotion you and Audrey have for one another. Thank you for such a powerful testimony.

    Posted by Bria Crawford on May 24th, 2012 at 2:31 pm
  • Lovely! It’s beautifull.

    Posted by Jason Orwoll on August 12th, 2012 at 6:33 pm
  • Thank you Ben. That was lovely, touching, inspiring, amazing. God has blessed you wonderfully with an amazing gift and it is, in turn, blessing so many others. Audri is a lovely person, inside and out.

    Posted by Viola Mahr on October 23rd, 2012 at 10:19 am
  • So lovely, Ben! Thank you for sharing! May you and Audri continue to pursue the Lord with a steadfast devotion – your lives truly proclaim His glory!


    Posted by Lauren Torres on May 6th, 2013 at 4:53 pm